Why I get to hate you.

It’s hard growing up without a father but it’s easier when you have a fantastic mother playing both roles. –unknown

Most days I love my crazy life but I’m human and some days I wonder. Being a mother is suppose to complete you but when you’re doing it by yourself sometimes you feel alone. Being a mom is the hardest thing I’ll ever do but it’s the most rewarding title I’ll ever have.

I have a three-year old daughter. She has the most life I’ve ever seen from anyone. Her heart is pure, her mind is fresh, her life is blissful. My baby has no idea what it is to hate and what it is to love. Sadly, I do.

Some days I hate you more than others. How is it that one man can have so much responsibility but not actually tend to it? How come you get to roam freely while I push around a stroller. What’s even worse than you being free to do as you please is that my child doesn’t get that you’re shit. And I sure as hell won’t be the one to say break that to her. I’ll leave finding that out up to her.

Maybe I wouldn’t hate you so much if you were actually a parent rather than a babysitter. Actually, babysitters see children more than you see yours. How is it that you sleep at night? It’s probably because you don’t have a toddler waking you up at 2 am to go potty, or telling you they had a nightmare.

I love tending to the needs of my daughter but I’d also love to be 21 once in a while without worrying. I chose my path but not alone, you just happened to skip out of obligation much earlier than you were suppose to. I wonder what it’s like to be you? Do you wonder what it is like to be me and play both roles? Why do I hate your life yet admire it so much?

Maybe it’s because…

1) You can just go where ever you want and do whatever you please. Me? No way, first I have to make sure we use the potty, is she going to get hungry, will she be crabby because she hasn’t had a nap? Crap, is the stroller in the car? There is no simple outing with a three-year old.

2) Have you ever had people stare at you in the middle of the store because your toddler is throwing a fit? I have. It makes me want to cry, all those eyes on me, everyone judging me. Speaking of store, what’s it like to be able to try on clothes in a dressing room with out a toddler crawling under the door, or asking when we get to look at the toys. What is it like not to pick something up you like, only to have to put it down because your daughter found something and it made her world light up?

3) I can’t remember the last time I went out to eat and got to eat my food while it was still warm. What’s it like to go out to eat with someone and have actual conversation. My conversation usually consists of “mommy, blow on this.” “Mommy cut this up.” Mommy I’m full, let’s go bye-bye.” Or how is it, when you actually get to eat what you ordered? Half the time my child eats mine and I have to eat hers.

4) Speaking of dining with someone, what’s it like to date? I wouldn’t know, It’s only been three years. My dates consist of scooby doo and mac and cheese.

5) I miss a full night of sleep. Can you remind me how great it is not to be woken up in the middle of the night because it’s potty time or because she had a nightmare. What is it like to sleep without a toddler kicking you in your ribs or having to sleep in your arms.

6) I might hate you because you play family with your girlfriend and my child. Maybe its because you take credit for things i’ve done, potty training, manners, clothing, her intelligence. All of that stuff is me, I did that, by MYSELF.

Most of all I hate you because my baby thinks you’re wonderful. The ten hours you spend with her a month makes her think you’re the best thing to walk the earth. It’s funny because you think the exact same way about yourself. Of course its great, you don’t have to enforce any rules, you don’t have to deal with time outs or wrongs and rights. You get to play games, have fun at the park. What do i get to do? Well I have to make meals, read bedtime stories, make bath time a game. I have to balance being a home maker, being a student, being mom. I work, I go to school, I run my daughter to all her activities, I, sir, am supermom. However, you are not worthy of my child’s love.


401 thoughts on “Why I get to hate you.”

  1. That true in some cases however what about chicks like my ex wife who chose to be a single mother ( now you may say no one chose. To be a single mother) well in this case it happened. I didnt want to loose my kids, i didnt want a divorce. I didnt want my kids to move 860 miles away. At the end of the day my ex just wants money in our coustody agreement we are supposed to meet halfway i get them 6weeks in the summer,every other christmas and springbreak. You know i havent seen them for christmas in 3 years nor have i had them for spring break and ive only got them once over the summer. Everytime ive seen them ive had to drive the whole way. Who pays child support i do, who gets screwed because she doesnt follow the coustdy agreement i do. So yeah i get yourside but there are so many other situtations too.

  2. I thought this was spot on. I myself grew up without a father and my sister is raising her daughter alone. I don’t know why it is acceptable for men to go around sleeping with women and getting them pregnant and they don’t get called sluts. Fucking ignorant.. but it is the single hardest job you will ever accomplish. I read this with tears in my eyes. Good for you. And just realize when she is older she will discover the truth about him for herself. She will remember the look on your face as she ran into his arms excited for another, let-me-buy-your-love outing. But in the end you will be the one she talks about and makes memories with and who she will want to tell all her friends about and who she will run to crying when her heart is broken for the first time. He may never realize what he missed out on. But one day that will be okay. Whew. Still tears in my eyes lol. Thanks for writing this. It was beautiful 🙂

  3. I understand everything you have said, your child will know the truth in the end. My daughter went to her grandpas funeral and she stated something about her brother no one knew that he had another child. When she got married she asked me to walk her down the aisle when he found out no one from his family went to the wedding. She has two children now and mom and dad aren’t together dad is a good dad.

  4. There are so many single moms that can relate to these feelings. It will take years but your child will realize one day how worthless he is. Until then you will probably struggle with these feelings. As hard as being a single mom is, remember it’s his loss!! You get it all!! All the firsts, all the good and the bad too but it’s soooo worth it!! It takes so much energy to hate someone, THAT is not worth it.

  5. I raised my two children alone since my daughter was 6 months old and my son was 2 1/2. Their father NEVER came around or paid the mandated child support. Now that my son is 26 and my daughter is 24 he wants back in their lives! I hate him but I thank him daily in my mind for my beautiful children. Hang in there it is all worth it!!!

  6. I love this and relate to every single word,with a slight exception, first,reverse the roles.my ex has seen her son twice in the past two years,by choice, she calls him maybe once a month,sometimes less. My life is my son,it’s a struggle,financially. It’s been over 3 years, (he’s 4), I have not dated,wouldn’t know how,or have the time,or the money. Still, I wouldn’t be anywhere else,and can’t fathom how she can leave a child motherless without a second thought. I may not like her very much,but my son deserves a mother. It’s shameful.

  7. My heart breaks for you and your baby girl. I am a single mom myself and my son is 17 now. One thing I was careful to never do is badmouth my sons father to him. I always said my baby is smart and he will see his dad for the waste of space he is one day. When that day came it broke my heart all over again. There are some days I wish my son could still have that blind love for his dad and not the disgust he feels for his dad now. We want them to see the truth and him to not get the glory but when the day comes it will break your heart all over again.

  8. I applaud all the single moms out there, but just know, there are so many father’s who have to fight the courts/mom every day to care for their children. These are good men who want nothing more to be an active role in their child’s life, but are denied.

  9. That’s a part of being a mother. Instead of writing about your “struggles”, how about you GET A JOB and tend for your babies needs instead of living off of your parents and the fathers money dumb bitch.

    1. I never said I struggle. I am well off on my own, financially. If you had read this I do work. My babies need never go without. Her fathers money doesn’t put a mic in my financial statement. My parents hardly have a dollar to their names. So hope your day is splendid. 😀

    2. You don’t know if she doesn’t have a job or that she relies on her parents to support her child. You shouldn’t respond to an article based on your assumptions. You don’t know enough about this woman to judge so harshly.

    3. Sounds like the Dad or new gf. 😂
      Or just an ignorant troll who doesn’t read an article before spewing their stupidity. Please don’t breed.

      If you had read it to the end, (I know it’s tough with all those words), you’d see she DOES work as WELL as the work of raising her child. And where in any of that did you read that she lived off her parents? Ohh, I’m guessing since you live off yours, you must think everyone does. It’s ok, you’ll get out of your parents basement someday lil fella! Chin up.

      But let me get this straight, all men should be able to get as many women pregnant as they want, walk away to the next one, and never have to support any of them? Again I repeat, please don’t breed.

      @noonetellsthetruth..ignore the trolls. And as hard as it is, ignore the ex. Your child will indeed come to see him for what he is and will one day show you how grateful they are.
      Don’t let anger towards him spoil your time with your child. Pity him for all the treasures he misses out on. And for the relationship they won’t have when your child is grown. It’s hard not to hate, or be jealous of what he has, the lack of responsibility etc. But that only takes energy from you he doesn’t deserve. And you know you wouldn’t it the other way. The sleepless nights and temper tantrums are gone in the blink of an eye. Cherish both the bitter and the sweet honey. You can’t have one without the other. Be angry when you must, but don’t hate…you don’t have to say a negative word in a child’s presence for them to feel that hatred and to them, they are equal halves of you and him, so to a child that means you hate part of them.
      Just continue to do right by your child, don’t waste your time wondering if he ever tried to see your side, most never do. The best revenge is a happy life without him. This too shall pass. 💜

  10. Thank you so much for the support with this. I never thought this would go so far but I am so please with all the support from all parents not just single. As for the ones with negative comments, I am so sorry that you feel so much hate for people. I am also sorry you received hate on your comments but you hurt a lot of people with your words. Someone told me the other night when I was upset that those people who make the awful comments are just faceless people. It is so easy to put people down when others don’t know who they are. As for the people who told me to let go or said that my child’s interest wasn’t at my best…everyone is different. You only read an entry from my online journal. No one knows what life i live daily. I have a wonderful life but i am not perfect i am human. For the people who said I wasn’t dedicated or that I needed to get a job, or I needed to stop being so whiney, you DON’T KNOW ME. I try so hard to respect everyone, to empower people. We all deserve an equal chance. I wish every person who comes across this blog immense success and love.

    1. Don’t worry about the judgmental people with unkind words. It’s easy to judge when your online. This article was to merely show a side of yourself that you clearly try not to show all the time. You’re not whiney, sponging, or any of those other stupid comments. Keep it up mom and continue being the amazing you.

  11. I’m very sure you love your child now, but your thoughts on responsibility are a bit hypocritical. You claim that the father of your child has no responsibility is completely misguided. Just because the responsibility is less demanding than yours does not diminish it. Also he has abandoned this responsibility but maybe if you had take responsibility for your sex life before this occurred. Every women owes it to herself to take responsibility for safe sex. Never assume he will, and even if he does it may not be 100%. Congrats on being what sounds like a great mom (I only know your perspective) but maybe try thinking a little more critically about your own responsibility than pointing fingers at someone else.

    1. I think taking care of my child is taking care of responsibility? I never said anything about it being all his fault we got pregnant. It takes two. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

    2. Nothing is 100%. My daughter is a pill AND condom baby. My son was a shot baby. My doctor failed to tell me that antibiotics weaken the pill. And the shot isn’t fully effective until AFTER the 3rd shot.

  12. perhaps he didn’t want the child. Perhaps you made that decision for him. Maybe instead of saying “it’s my body and I’ll do what I want” you should think about the consequences of having a baby. If women can force a man to have a unwanted child why can’t men opt out of being the father? Remember, having sex protected or not is not consent to having a child. Stop forcing unwanted pregnancies on men!

    1. Who the fucking are you to say that she forced this child on him. And as matter of fact oh enlightened one, sex does equal consent for a child. That’s how you get them. He doesn’t want a kid, keep his dick in his pants. Simple. She could have been on the pill…you have no clue.

  13. What a great post! Many a young girl should read this and realize the sacrifices you make as a mother!! I applaud you!! Keep up the great work…you child will realize it someday!!

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